Welcome to a2000greetings Community Forum

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: Humorous Stories  (Read 7873 times)


  • Guest
Humorous Stories
« on: February 27, 2014, 08:25:06 PM »

Humorous Stories

A great place to add your humorous stories Here on this forum many people will enjoy your them. Please keep the humorous stories clean. Because we have a general audience we should be respectful.  Add your humorous stories now! We do enjoy your funny posts. Thank you


  • Guest
Monkey Business
« Reply #1 on: March 08, 2014, 03:51:08 PM »

Monkey Business

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost.  So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The dachshund thinks, "OK, I'm in deep trouble now!" Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?"  Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That dachshund nearly had me."  Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.  The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."  Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet... and just when they get close enough to hear the dachshund says......................  "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."

From: Gypsy


  • Guest
What was your favorite fast food when you
« Reply #2 on: March 23, 2014, 11:07:50 AM »

What was your favorite fast food?
Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favourite 'fast food' when you
were growing up?'
'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him.
'All the food was slow.'
'C'mon, seriously.. Where did you eat?'
'It was a place called 'home,'' I explained. !
'Mum cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together
at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate, I
was allowed to sit there until I did like it.' My brother sat at the table
all one afternoon cause he would not eat green beans. He finally tossed them
out the window. Sandy

By this time, the lad was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to
suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I
had to have permission to leave the table.

But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I
d figured his system could have handled it:

Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore jeans, set foot on a golf
course, travelled out of the country or had a credit card. Well they played
some gold, but the other things were out of the question. Sandy

My parents never drove me to school. I had a bicycle that weighed probably
50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow). I had to walk - Sandy

We didn't have a television in our house until I was 10.
It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at 10
pm, after playing the national anthem and epilogue; it came back on the air
at about 6 a.m. and there was usually a locally produced news and farm show
on, featuring local people... Oh yes, and that test pattern was what we
watched until it came on. - Sandy

I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone was on a party line.
Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn
t know weren't already using the line. But sometimes we listened in. Sandy

Pizzas were not delivered to our home... But milk was. Sure wish I had some
of those old milk bottles. Mother used to give me those old fashion clothes
pins and tell me to drop them from my waist into the bottle. Good for
eye-hand coordination - but she just wanted to keep me busy. Sandy

All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers --My
brother delivered a newspaper, seven days a week. He had to get up at 6AM
every morning. My brother had two routes, and I helped him. He sure could
roll those papers. Sandy

Film stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the films.
There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for
everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or almost anything
offensive. I saw lots of the old good ones. I remember when that panorama
thing came in. Sandy

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to
share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't
blame me if they bust a gut laughing.



  • Guest
For all of you Pastor's wives out there
« Reply #3 on: April 19, 2014, 03:36:28 PM »

For all of you Pastor's wives out there

 You really have to watch the whole thing because the song is awesome. It is so funny and I'm sure some of you can relate.

I really got a kick out this one


  • Global Moderator
  • Newbie
  • *****
  • Posts: 3
    • View Profile
A scouts letter home
« Reply #4 on: February 24, 2015, 08:45:46 AM »

A scouts letter home

A scouts letter home

Our scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and are worried. Only one of our tents and two sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily none of us got drowned because we were all up the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.
Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of his cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found Adam if it hadn't been for the lightning.
Scoutmaster Ted got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that when you put petrol on a fire, the petrol will blow up ?
The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.
We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Ted gets the bus fixed. It wasn't his fault about the crash. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Ted said that with a bus that old, you have to expect something to break down. That's probably why he can't get insurance.
We think it's a real neat bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the roof. It does get pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the policeman talked to us.
Scoutmaster Ted is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact he is teaching Jessie how to drive on the mountain roads where there aren't any cops. All we ever see up there are the logging trucks.
This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Ted wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast (it's concrete because we didn't have any plaster), so he let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can see some of the trees under the water from the flood.
Scoutmaster Ted isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.
Guess what? We have all passed our first-aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works.
Steven and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Ted said it probably was just food poisoning from the left-over chicken. He said they got sick that way all the time with the food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?
I have to go now. We are going into town to post our letters and buy some more beer and ammo. So don't worry about anything. We are fine and tonight it's my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster's tent.



  • Guest
Betting on Charity
« Reply #5 on: June 14, 2015, 06:55:46 PM »

Betting on Charity

 Father Michael opens a letter from a friend and a $20 bill falls out. As he reads the letter he is distracted by the actions of a shabbily dressed man leaning against a post outside.

 Fearing the man is in financial distress, the good priest takes the $20 bill, wraps it in a piece of paper on which he'd written "Don't Despair," and tosses it to the man outside.

 The man picks it up, reads it, looks at the priest with a puzzled expression, tips his hat and walks away.

 The next morning Father Michael is told a man is at the door asking for him. Downstairs, he finds the stranger who hands him a wad of money.

 "What's this for?" the good priest asks.

 "That's the 60 bucks you have coming. Don't Despair paid 6-1."